How to Help Your Children with Back-to-School Anxieties

I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to forget the sound.

On the night before school started, my sweet 8-year-old was hysterically crying about not knowing what was happening to her body.

For the third time this summer, she was dealing with an anxiety attack. Just the thought of it alone brings me to tears.

She’s active.
She’s adventurous.
She loves learning.
She loves her friends even more.

So, why on earth was she on the brink of completely losing herself with worry over going back to school the next day?

In short?

Fear.

As adults, we can anticipate fear. We can walk through all of the “what ifs” and “plans of action” if things don’t work out quite like we planned. Sometimes, we too, can allow the fear to take over and give anxiety permission to show its ugly face. But, as adults, big emotions can be a daily thing for us. Through running late to work or coming up short on funds at the end of the month. Fear can happen to us all the time as something we might be able to anticipate or rationalize or expect.

But, for a child to cope with big-time emotions?

Forgive me, God, but I just don’t see how that’s fair. As my husband once put it, “shouldn’t my baby be worried about playing outside and getting her nails dirty or reading a good book during a thunderstorm.” Why does she need to learn these major life lessons in fear at such a young age?

For me, and soothing my mom-heart in trying to wrap my head around the concept, I remind myself of one special thing. All.The.Time.

She’s learning this lesson in fear now so she can help someone through it later.

It’s not a glamorous explanation. It’s not even that exciting. Now, anyway. But, in the future? There are big plans for her pain now. I’m believing and trusting it. How else, as a mom, do you comprehend your baby being filled with fear and worry at such a young age?

You see, we all go through lessons in life. Sometimes, they happen in the early stages and other times, when we feel like we’ve aged enough to not need any more “lessons.” But, ultimately, these life lessons are a big-fat reminder that it’s not up to us when the lessons come. The timing of them, if you will. It’s up to us to be the support, the encouragement and the reminder that beauty will always win when our babies go through life lessons far before we think they’re emotionally ready.

SO, WITH THAT, HERE ARE THREE WAYS YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOUR LITTLE ONE(S) WHEN DEALING WITH BACK-TO-SCHOOL ANXIETIES:

Get to talking.

Talking is key here. Ask questions, strike up conversation, probe for more. I’m not talking “read a diary while you’re putting laundry away” kind of probing, but, the genuine “I love you so much I want to have a conversation with you” type. Because, here’s the thing. When you’re willing to listen, they’re willing to talk. Read that again. When you’re willing to listen, they’re willing to talk.

Start with something simple like “Look at the sky today! Isn’t it beautiful?!” Something random, something fun and something that can lead you into more questions or statements after. This works wonders for my girl. By the end of most of our conversations, I have a pretty good handle on where her heart is and what’s upsetting her the most.

Have an instant “go-to.”

At 8, my daughter can pretty much tell me when an anxiety attack is about to happen. She feels the sure-fire signs and after dealing with a handful of them over the last year, we were able to get a system to go to whenever she feels one coming on. For us, the second she tells us she’s feeling “off” (her patterned statement - look for these!), we immediately tell her to drop to the floor. Gently, of course!

She’ll sit with her feet on the cool, tile floor, with her knees bent, and forehead resting at the top of her knees. I’ll usually grab a cool washcloth with some lavender essential oils and place it on the back of her neck. We guide her through her breathing and encourage her with small statements of “it’s okay,” and “I’m right here.” We don’t probe her or talk to her about what’s happening. We let God work with her. Quietly and gently in His mighty way. When she feels ready, she’ll slowly sit up and we’ll start talking through the triggers that caused her attack to come on.

This has become our pattern. They honestly look different for everyone but everyone has a pattern. Keep an eye out for signs that are similar to each attack. Before long, you’ll be able to spot one coming and help guide your young one through the breathing to get back on-track.

Worship and worship again.

We talk about the goodness of the Lord through every worry, every fear and every heartache. For us, we find comfort in knowing that we serve a mighty God and through Him, all peace can be found. Sometimes, we lose focus of that or it’s hard to put our thoughts to words. But, through music, we can find healing. We’ll play worship music on our Alexa in the kitchen. Or use Spotify on the iPad with headphones. A walk with music does wonders and even sitting out on the back porch when the weather is nice can be more soul-soothing than I could ever explain.

The key here is to let the music guide when the words can’t. For little ones, words can feel overwhelming and almost harder to comprehend and verbalize how they’re feeling. Using music as a form of expression can help ease them into knowing that they don’t have to know how to explain it, as long as they work to overcome it.

These are a few tips that work for us when anxiety unwillingly shows up. I’m absolutely not a doctor and am not medically certified or trained in any way. Just a mama sharing her heart on a matter that wreaks havoc for so many of our children in today’s society. It’s our job to encourage them into healing and that’s the only intent with my words here.

Wishing you much peace in any future attacks that come your way!

MEET THE AUTHOR

Elizabeth Ruth is a Digital Marketer and dōTERRA Essential Oils Educator. Elizabeth is passionate about sharing her creative gifts with those looking to share their story in a visual and entrepreneurial way. Elizabeth also spends her time encouraging moms on how to support their “Little Ones with Big Emotions” by creating a wellness lifestyle and routine in the home. Elizabeth and her husband, Mike, live in Cape Coral, Florida with their three children. They enjoy going to the beach, spending time together as a family at Disney and creating a lifestyle that is filled with enjoyment, passion for an active lifestyle and a lot of laughter.